Crossdressing, Transgender & Allies Discussion: New Look, Same Dysphoria
1,043 replies, posted
Your persona is cool as fuck, very expressive.
Honestly at this point, even if I decide I'm not trans, I'm still going to lie and say I'm a girl on the internet, just because it feels much better and more natural. Online personas are weird.
I'm an instructional assistant working in exceptional student education. One of my 5th graders came up to me yesterday in tears, complaining about bullying, and asked to speak to me privately outside. Outside, he told me that he felt like he was supposed to be a girl, and that he told the other students in the room that he felt this way, and that's why they were picking on him. He broke down sobbing, telling me "I should have been born a girl. I'm a mistake, I'm disgusting." I always suspected that this particular student might be trans, or at least very effeminate, but I hadn't ever spoken to him about it.
I couldn't help my conscience. I've been living in the closet, without only my family and close friends knowing about my transition, but I couldn't let this kid go on thinking that he was alone like this. So I told him that I'm trans, and that even though I can't do anything to help him aside from intervening against bullying, I wanted him to understand that I know how he feels and that he shouldn't be ashamed of himself. I also told him that there are people who can help, but he needs to talk to his parents about it and get in touch with his therapist. From the sounds of things, his household hasn't confronted the issue yet. I'm basically hamstrung; not only can I not help him any more than this, but by revealing that I'm trans I've endangered my own professional future. I told him not to tell anyone about me because it could affect my job, and I hope he understands.
Today, I'm going to call the HR department of my school district. I've done some research and it looks like the school board passed a bylaw in 2016 that should protect me against discrimination, but the language is a bit vague- it seems to imply that its policy is based on state and federal law, but since the Trump administration reversed a lot of protections Obama put in place, I worry that my district has reverted as well. I just need to survive for a couple more years in this state so I can get my certification and become a full-fledged teacher, and then I can move somewhere safer.
I honestly feel emotional pain reading this thread sometimes, purely because what I'm reading is diaries of people's suffering. It hurts to read people don't have support, but what hurts the most is the lack of cohesion, cooperating and understanding. Over the last few pages I've seen a couple times that are straight up implying to not worry about your family and fuck em if they dont agree with you, but at the end of the day, if thats the mindset we hate from our disrespective/unsupportive peers, do we really want to replicate that? We should really be setting a good example and impression of ourselves, not making things more difficult.
I just want to encourage you all to be as patient as you can with your family, wherever possible. You might first write off conservative trump supporters as evil degenerates that will always hate us, but really you guys know what media and politics are like. It just lifts up gunk from the ground and people catch on like wildfire to try and push this image in their head that they're correct. It doesn't mean they're always going to have their heads shoved up their asses. I'm not saying this is guaranteed to happen but I've had so many people i know, even my future roommates that are normie-right wing that honestly don't mind if I'm dressing up around the house, it just took a small explanation and acceptance.
I'm not saying we need to bend over backwards for other people and that we need to do the heavy lifting, but at the end of the day who are we? We're all human. All of us can do good things and bad things. We have just as much a responsibility to be cohesive as other people do. People who arent interested in trans issues/etc are never EVER going to learn them, because nobody is going to teach it to them, and theyre not going to bother to learn. However when it comes to a position where theyre forced to learn, the result is different. If you have a conservative 'dickhead' uncle trump supporter or whatever, but they really love your mother, theyre either going to make compromises for their sister to make them happy by being supportive of their child. I think people here really underestimate the power of family. If your family disrespect you, they disrespect your mother and your father too, because you're their child. Again I'm not saying they're the victims and were fine but sometimes a little bit of lenience goes a long way. I've had so many people in the family i thought would laugh at me every day, every day thinking about how much theyre going to give me shit and how awkward everything is going to be, turns out they dont really care that much. Theyve got other things to worry about, like their own lives. Theyre probably scared they look bad infront of you when youre dressed up, not the other way around.
Please try and be as respectful to your families when possible. They may deject you because its new to them, once you come out etc, just think its not just easy for them because its so hard for you. Your parents are worried about the stress and everything you might go through during the process of changing, and they dont want to be the ones to say yes at the start only for you to hate yourself further and go wrong, then they feel theyve failed as a parent. Its never easy, but you can help make it easier by showing the world its okay to be you. You dont have to listen to people that upset you, because its never going to help you. I know that doesnt make it easy but people will talk shit no matter what youre doing. If you were this super alpha male that loved muscle cars and american 80's rock music, people would probably take the piss out of you for being TOO boyish. Just know to not take it personally. Because if it was personal, you know the other person is being an asshole anyways. At least thats the logic I try and maintain.
I just want everyone to be happy is all
I did this for 10 years, alt tabbing when people would walk in or opening game windows to try and occlude my character because I didn't want them to make a scene.
I wish it was that easy on a few things, but when a new stepfather has already made deragatory remarks as "jokes" and has wholeheartedly embraced everything Trump has done... Well, you already know what you're getting into.
I do agree however though that you shouldn't give up on family unless they give up on you. Just don't let it destroy you like it destroyed my father.
While I feel there are some trans people who are too harsh on their families and start burning bridges before they've even had the chance to do any repairs to them - I also feel this does not apply to everyone.
There are trans people who are in the situation I mentioned above and then there are the ones who live in unsafe households or ones that would immediately throw them out upon their coming-out. Unfortunately I would have to say the latter outnumbers the former. The process of slowly convincing family and educating them is just simply not going to work for every family as not every family cares or wants to learn. It varies a lot by location of course but for those folks in more religious US states... the chances are just not good .
I'm reminded of the story a friend of mine told me: He's a trans man and when he decided to come out he told his father first and his father immediately pulled out a loaded gun, stuck it to my friends forehead, and told him to get out of his house. There was mild family backlash (for what was essentially a threat to kill ones own child) but nothing that ever made any difference. My friend ended up living on the streets for several months before finding shelter and eventually work. He sadly still lives paycheque to paycheque in a badly poverty-stricken part of his town.
Not intending to spook anybody with a story like that but it's just daily reality for a lot of trans people and a massive reason why our suicide rate is so incredibly high. Unsupportive family destroys lives and tortures the ones that decide to stay living. It is a serious problem for the entire LGBTQA+ community and has been for a very long time.
apple news (iOS Newsfeed app) has a spotlight section that currently has tons of pro-trans articles since this sunday is trans visibility day.
covering stuff like India's third gender, a trans teen music idol, US military stuff, etc.
to add to this you can remove the residue with nail polish remover that contains acetone(I think?), theres some other stuff like "medical gasoline" but honestly it's not very fun to rub on your skin either, it just sucks because its way better than alcohol to get rid of the sticky residue
I've been there too given I play as a girl in pretty much everything given the opportunity, but tbh it's much easier to blow off nowadays and nobody even really gives a shit anymore now that we're older
Ahh thanks for your experience, both of you. I'm a little concerned about dosages but most people say they just put on a new patch and leave the old one on for an extra day or so. I'm not a big fan of needles and have a hard time administering my shot so not having to rely on my husband to take my medicine is a plus (He's doesn't enjoy it either lol, poor guy).
I still get teased for once in awhile but yea, definitely nowhere as bad as it used to be.
Leave old patch on for extra day while applying new one
I actually didn't know about this. Thank you for that! Also yeah, injection types are pretty iffy, but the best in terms of getting the greatest effect
To provide an anecdote for the last point; my significant other's parents were pretty against it early on (I'll spare you the details).
Over a period of 3 months her mother has come to fully accept and support her as a girl. There's still a little work to be done in regards to her father, but it's not something that can be rushed and it's overall significantly better than before.
While I'm not suggesting every family can be as accepting, it's worth a try.
I'm mad as shit because I was meant to be starting HRT this month and suddenly I am on a 20 month waiting list.
Why? Did they give a reason?
I was meant to have a transfer of care agreement sent over to the public health service from the private clinic I was with, but now the public service has decided that they want to do their own diagnosis to see if I really have gender dysphoria and it takes 20 months to even see someone, despite assuring me that my diagnosis was fine and setting up all my blood work.
I mean I have been living as a girl for the past 10 months but apparently I and my original doctors don't know what we are talking about. Pulling shit out their ass.
I eventually gave up on following the NHS process after getting screwed around with forgotten referrals, lost appointments, and being sent back to the end of a two year waiting list twice (years apart!). Took me 4 years almost to get anywhere and that was all by my own initiative and with no help from the NHS, I don't regret self-medding for a second as its fairly easy to manage, understand, and source. Though, I'll probably try and go private at some point to take load off.
tl;dr I can sympathise, the process I was shoved through was infuriating
Yeah it was the NHS who has fucked all this up for me (I know FP says I in the Netherlands, that's true but I am a British citizen and receiving NHS care)
Only thing holding back is the monitoring; I am a pretty active and generally healthy person but I am also kinda paranoid about risks. Did you find any way to monitor stuff when self medding?
Personally, I don't think anyone should self-medicate under any circumstances. But it depends on your situation - if you're like my psycho-ass neighbor who the local PD knows self-medicates with meth (but can't do anything because they don't have proof), and what you're using as a "med" isn't helping, you should stop. But in this case, there are tons of estrogen and testosterone pills you can buy online from Amazon. I don't know if there's testosterone or estrogen blockers, though - and it may be illegal to buy them in the UK. I hope your transition goes well, hun.
I don't know how you can say that when it's so hard for many people to get treatment the "legit" way
I would much prefer to medicate under supervision of a doctor but that is just not happening thanks to the NHS losing all my shit and kicking me to the bottom of the pile for no goddamn reason.
As far as i know, really all you need are blood tests for your hormone levels. Get one done before you start, for a baseline, then get them done every 3 months or so. That's how my doctor handles my HRT.
I would always endorse going proper monitored routes (either privately or through NHS / insurance) but a lot of the time they can do as much harm as they do good.
As long as you do your research, are aware and understand the risks, and get tests regularly either privately or through your GP; it shouldn't be a huge issue to do it on your own. It's not a very complicated process in all honesty, I've certainly not had any issues. Though as I said I intend to possibly move private soon to take a load off, as that would be preferable.
waiting 20 months on something that causes the individual considerable existential pain on the daily basis is completely fucking insane. 20 FUCKING MONTHS, it's possible to build like 5% of the great wall of china by that time for fuck's sakes.
I got some women's shoes for the first time. (a pair of super cute mary janes) Which means for the firs time I was able to wear girl stuff head-to-toe.
It was so incredibly nice.
I always play boys in games because they are hot tbh, unless its a game where girls actually have the upperhand in fashion like FFXIV
Problem is that my GPs (both my home GP in Scotland and my current GP in the Netherlands) will not do blood tests until I have a diagnosis through a NHS service, and I have to wait 20 months to even /start/ seeing about that. I have a diagnosis through a registered gender specialist, and at first they were like 'oh yeah that's fine' but now they suddenly changed their mind saying that the policy means I need to start at square one.
honestly if the system is so broken you have to wait literally for years from the moment you have taken the decision to transition and you're an actual legal adult, then its only an understatement if someone decides to self-medicate.
When don't girls have the upperhand in fashion?
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