Crossdressing, Transgender & Allies Discussion: New Look, Same Dysphoria
1,043 replies, posted
It's always funny when someone insults a group of people and when the said group of people gets angry, the said person goes "hey I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't care lol" and still expects to be taken seriously
What makes you feel that you have the right to say that "tranny" isn't as offensive as "nigger"? Both are slurs, meant to insult a specific group of people, they seem equally shitty to me
Thing is you're trying to come to the community that is being insulted by the term, and tell them that "Hey, you really shouldn't be getting insulted by this!". It'd be like me punching Craptasket in the face and telling everyone else he's being too sensitive, that it was a joke.
I want to make it as clear as possible.
If you make joke X or say thing X, and then person Y says that they find X insulting:
you just stop doing it. Because it's clearly upsetting them. No bullshit about "toughen up," if you have any social intelligence, you will stop saying something that you've been specifically told is offensive. That's it.
You don't even need to get it. You just need to not come across as lacking in empathy. When people are explaining it and you still just don't get it then you should probably consider that the issue may lie with you and quit digging your heels in.
You don't get the concept of adjusting your behavior because someone takes issue with your words?
it's stuff like this that seriously dampens my enthusiasm for trying to turn cis people into allies
I say all sorts of horrible awful shit with my friends. The thing is they're my friends so they know the context of me and my intentions. This is why people emphasize it's bad IN A PUBLIC SPACE
And - to emphasize - online communities are public spaces (excluding walled-off things like group chats and small discords.)
We apologize for the inexcusable attempt of pushing our view of politely requesting more consideration.
You don't really seem to have considered it. But you've basically outright proven you have next to no social awareness to begin with. (And no, autism isn't an excuse here. I know at least a few of us who are trying to explain this to you are autistic as well and most of us aren't lacking in social awareness.)
It's really quite simple. Whether you find it offensive or not the majority of the group who the slur refers to do see it as offensive and for good reason, people use it as a derogatory term for them constantly. The solution is simple. Don't use it to refer to them, at least not in public. If you want to joke around and be offensive with friends then that's up to you. Just don't expect people to accept that behavior in public. And Facepunch is a public place so people are not going to accept it here, even if it is more casual than a typical public place.
I'm also autistic so for sure I can understand any issues another autistic person might have with understanding a foreign concept or perhaps having really stubborn views.
But you need to separate your views from other peoples feelings. Your opinions should not come before the feelings of the people you are talking with and not recognizing this is what gets many people (especially autistic people) into shit because they open their yap when they shouldn't have. I've done this tons of times and it's bitten me in the arse on numerous occasions! I still have issues with it sometimes but generally I keep opinions and disagreements to myself if I'm with company where it would be inappropriate.
Secondly you need to listen to people. Trust what they're saying. You know how frustrating it is when people try and act like they know your autism better than you? I do! It's frustrating as balls. Same goes for other minorities like trans people. They know their community, words, terms, and slurs - better than you do. When they say stop you should stop.
If you say "lol that shit gay af" to your friends, and all of you are the type to make that joke, then sure, that's not much of an issue.
But if you say it in a public forum - even if it is an unprofessional one - that's a different context. We're basically all strangers.
It would be like making the joke among acquaintances - sure, you're all friendly, but you don't really know each other's boundaries.
Nothing to cry over, sure, but still worthy of a disapproving "hrm."
If we shouldn't cater to single people being offended, then why should we cater to the thread-maker's feelings?
Why should we coddle them over a dumb insensitive pun, saying "shh, it's okay, that was a hilarious joke, of course it was, everyone who didn't like it are the real meanies"?
Why go through so much trouble to value a dumb joke over people saying "that was a dumb joke"?
Why drag this out? It really should have been just "trannysparent, get it", "that's a dumb title", and bam, that would be it.
Expecting the same respect everyone else gets isn't isn't being pushy.
Because you're still the ass of a joke, repeatedly, over a long period of time. Especially since most jokes are demeaning. That "you look like a tranny" example you had is very clearly specifically targeting trans people for reasons I explained above. Even if the joke isn't directed at you, being a punchline is. not. fun.
That's perfectly alright, you are not obligated to understand it, however at the same time you may have noticed that a number of individuals are displeased with the forum's behavior, therefore would it not be a nice idea to perhaps do something that makes them less displeased if it's something that comes at no detriment to anyone?
You don't need to understand it, however I don't get what you're doing here. You keep repeating the same thing over and over and we're all clearly in disagreement.
You're not getting anywhere with this topic.
Yeah, you don't have to understand why something is harmful in order to think to yourself, okay, people are upset with my actions so I'll stop doing them for now until I have the full picture.
Why is this stupid ass argument happening in this thread anyway, there's an entire thread already dedicated to it
I'm not offended, you're just talking in circles and getting nowhere, and you're displaying a clear refusal to listen.
The thing is people constantly hide behind it being a joke when they're actually being serious. And most of the time it's impossible to tell whether they're joking or not to begin with. Either way it's still inappropriate to refer to people using a slur in public.
You lack social awareness because you're showing a complete lack of social awareness here. Not because you have X view.
If a guy and his boyfriend came up to me and said “Please don’t say that”, I’d just apologise and move on. I wouldn’t understand their reasoning, is my point.
Well lucky them. This is no different a situation though and yet you're trying to pass it off as a total nonissue.
Please stop posting. You keep ignoring my posts regardless.
In other news:
I haven't posted in the thread before, because I was worried about posting publicly.
I did post in Discord though. (even if my last visit to discord WAS a year and a half ago. sorry about that)
However, I just went outside in girlmode for the first time, so at this point I'm feeling "eh, screw it".
Really feeling the absence of Winner right now. I'm really happy for you!
i didnt think norway's 'official' center for trans care could get any worse but it somehow did: if you (as in, me for the last year and a half) get any medical procedures done with the help of private 'unofficial' trans care people, the 'official' people will immediately just reject you without thinking twice if you get referred to them, and even if they havent already rejected you and youre actually going through their diagnosis process but get 'unofficial' medical procedures done, the 'official' people will just drop you.
just because "we cant get a proper diagnosis!!!!!", never fucking mind how it would actually make their job easier because someone getting f.e. hrt will know if it alleviates dysphoria, or if it makes them feel worse in case they actually arent trans, all before ever getting a referral to the center
thats the only way for me to get even close to getting srs through the healthcare system just completely out of the question.
what the actual fuck are these people
I've come to realize my family's acceptance isn't absolute, as in they don't want to be near me when I transition, they don't support my transition and they don't think I should transition until the depression largely caused by my dysphoria is cured without transitioning.
Maybe it's a bit much to care about my family's opinion so much, but I'm an indebted, severely depressed trans girl whose lost 99% of the people close to me irl. If my family condemned me for going forward with it I don't know what I would do.
oh my god i found a sort of article written by some top staff of that 'official' center, its ridiculous. if it didnt show through how their center actually treats trans people, id think that article was satirical
This is basically what happened to me through our public care system because fuck waiting 3 years for an /initial appointment/.
I'm not 100% clued up on Sweden but if I were you I would just continue privately if you have the means to do so, that is what I am doing now.
So I've been figuring FFS stuff for the last few years, and if I actually want it or not. In the last week or so, I've been scheduling and getting consults on it. And now today I finally have a surgery date set for May 1st for my FFS, I'm absolutely ecstatic
Go you! I remember looking at a quote for FFS and my wallet cried loudly from somewhere in my room. One day
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